Ashes 2010: Top Ten Ashes Tips

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Ashes 100-1 Countdown: 2 Days Until the Ashes

David Green aka The Reverse Sweep gives some elaborate Ashes tips.

It’s been a real labour of love, but today sees the last post of our 100 day Ashes countdown collaboration with our good friends at World Cricket Watch. 100 posts in 100 days – it’s been tough at times but on the whole its been enjoyable.

So with less than one day to go until Messrs Strauss and Ponting toss the coin and proceedings get underway at The Gabba, here are our ten tips for the series:

1. Despite England bowling out Australia for 80 at The Gabba to win the 1st Test, the Channel 9 commentary team are scathing in their criticism of Andrew Strauss’ supposed negative captaincy

2. In an effort to cure his dodgy back, Michael Clarke gets back together with Lara Bingle.

3. After scoring his first hundred for 20 months at Adelaide, KP decides that facial hair brings him good luck and by the time of the Sydney Test, he has a beard that would make Hashim Amla and Mohammad Yousuf proud.

4. Mitchell Johnson’s first ball of the series goes straight to third slip and back in the Sky studio in London,  a certain Steve Harmison cannot contain his glee. Meanwhile, Mitchell’s Mum – never one to shy away from publicity – does a centrefold spread in Playboy Australia.

5. Leading runscorer in the series? Ian Bell. Leading wicket-taker? Ben Hilfenhaus. Most grumpyplayer? Ricky Ponting. Most boring press conference? Michael Clarke every time.

6. At the Christmas Party proceeding the Melbourne Test, the karaoke choices if the players prove pretty telling. Shane Watson opts for ‘Mr Vain’, Stuart Broad ‘You’re So Vain’, Ricky Ponting ‘Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now’, Jonathan Trott and Michael Clarke duet on ‘Being Boring’before Kevin Pietersen rounds off proceedings with ‘I Am The One and Only’.

7. Michael Hussey and/or Marcus North will be dropped before the end of the series for Usman Khawaja and/or Callum Ferguson.

8. The Australian selectors announce a collaboration with Simon Cowell called Spin Factor so that the public can pick the long-term successor to Shane Warne. After Doherty plays at The Gabba, Smith gets a turn at Adelaide, O’Keefe at Perth and Hauritz at Melbourne before the public pick the wildcard Bryce McGain in a special New Year’s Day programme on Channel 9. McGain plays at Sydney and takes eight wickets.

9. Starved of action on the field, Tim Bresnan’s weight balloons to 20 stone by the end of the series. Desperate to lose the pounds before the one dayers, he employs Jesse Ryder’s fitness instructor.

10. And the most important tip of all? We go for England to retain the Ashes in an extremely tight series either by virtue of drawing the series 2-2 or by sneaking a 2-1 or 3-2 win.

Let the action begin.

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